And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
