It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
