hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
