we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
