Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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