I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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