we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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