All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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