I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
