I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
