I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
