We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
