if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
