Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
