He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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