In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
