Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize