apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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