when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
