You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize