I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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