I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize