do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
