Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
