I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
