That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
