my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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