It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
