i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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