It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
