we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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