you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
