forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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