so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
