I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
