No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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