Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
