he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
