Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize