when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
