Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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