bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
