No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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