Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize