exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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