My liver just broke up with me...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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