eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
