Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
