Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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