I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
