we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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