Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
