I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize