Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
