He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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