I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize