i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
