I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
