Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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