Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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