just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
