He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
