This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize