Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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