I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
