Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
