Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
