how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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