There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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