No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize