Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
