Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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