I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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