dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
