I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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