In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I believe in your delicious
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
