I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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